Eradication of Defenses
As she wanders through the overgrown mess of a garden she begins to notice what she planted many years ago. They are loaded with fond memories from times past, each one stirring in her moments that build the story she has become. She found herself being drawn in closer to each of these but with every step she found herself being struck by barbed overgrown plans. In every attempt she made to moved closer to the fond aged memory she was pricked by the accompanying discomfort of other plants. These seemed to be barbed and readily protecting what was so beautiful beyond them, but they in themselves, so deeply unpleasant and profoundly unnecessary.
After some time of carefully navigating her steps, she made it to a beautiful sunflower only to find, with closer investigation, it was beginning to fade. Its time had come and the seeds from its center were beginning to fall. Instead, she quickly gathered each seed as though it was pure gold. Each one representing her desperate attempt to hold onto a memory of pleasant emotion. What work she had undergone to get here! All to find it was dying!
As she walked away, a feeling of grief washed over her. What was the purpose of all that unpleasant work, simply to find that it was pointless?! Why had she worked so hard and put herself through all the pain, she thought, as she looked down at the droplets of blood coming from each cut and scrape left gracing her skin. With her handful of seeds and little more than anger welling within her, she tromped her way out of the garden to a relatively clear space along the outer rim and plopped herself down in the dirt.
Staring in frustration at the newly cleaned soil long from the center of the garden, her vision began to blur from the angry tears welling in her eyes. Dropping the seeds onto the soil she sighed and wiped away the tears forming in the corner of her eyes. The cold dirt felt satisfying between her fingers as she began to stir it in frustration with her hands. Pushing her fingers into the soil and watching each seed be pushing into the ground. It was as though she was burying each piece of that fond memory. Grieving and pushing them away, pushing them “six feet under,” never to be seen again. When her hands were covered in filth, and each seed had disappeared from view she sighed and gathered herself up, walking away decidedly. What a disappointment of a day! What was the purpose of planting that sunflower in the first place when the fond memories were buried and only aggravation and resentment remained.
As weeks passed by she would glance over at the over-grown garden and even though part of her longed to go back, resentment from that day nagged at her. Eventually, after time had passed she wandered back out to sit where she had last stirred the dirt bitterly. To her surprise she found the sprouts of 20 new sunflowers beginning. Healthy and free from the defending barbs of the toughened plants she had found before! As she looked farther into the garden she saw the spot the original flower had stood was bare, and the thorns she had cleared away left an easy and clear pathway through the center of the garden. As she stared into the heart of that mess, she realized with each past beautiful memory drawing her in, she could slowly, and section by section clear the roughage it had become. “Burying” the past and slowly watching the legacy it left behind become magnified. With each plant, a multitude of seeds would be buried to become a multiplied and breathtaking display of regeneration. Slowly, it would exhibit a display of beauty beyond its prior abilities.
Filled with hope and determination she began working her way through the thorns and nettles. Bleeding and broken she would find her way to the next beautiful memory, filled with gratitude for all the thorns attempting to protect what was behind them, yet willing to experience the pain of eradication for the vulnerable beauty that would come. Though grief would inevitably find its way to her once more, it was that grief that would properly bury each memory to bring forth so much more. Without it, without the turmoil, the soil would remain untilled and the seeds would die atop a hardened ground. For the beauty to blossom, for the new garden, both the pain and anger, with the hope and gratitude were necessary. In this realization, she found new strength and fearless abandon drive her forward.
