She was tired; exhausted really. Tired of looking for a sense of purpose and belonging. Today she found a power. After time and time again of riding a rollercoaster she just stepped off and off it flew without her in it. As she watched it twist and spin upside down and across the track, she realized the ground had always been right there, in the same space. Why was she just now feeling her own feet on the steady ground? 

Now here she was, with the openness of life standing like a black hole in front of her. This time something felt different. This time she felt at peace and security. Here is where Christ met her with His steady consistency. She imagined him laughing at her saying “oh hey! Glad you joined us again! Can I introduce you to yourself now? Are you ready? Or do you need to get out some more energy and run around that mountain again?” Somewhere in there God had come to her and brought her a vision that she had been dissecting and trying to argue with and justify. At the end of the day, the justification only built on her pain. It only gave purpose to her pain so it could grasp her tighter around the throat. She walked home and sat down in her special place of broken glass peeping through the bits of clarity to the outside.

A big beautiful glass window stood. One that was round with a little seat to sit in its moon shape. She had always dreamed of having a window like this to sit in with Him. Over time though, the window cracked. The harsh weather had taken its toll on the circular getaway. She loved the window so dearly because it was the only window she could see Him through. She just patched it up over and over again as it slowly cracked and shattered like a spiderweb of broken dreams. Bits of duct tape and plexiglass scattered across the lines of failing glass and she still curled up in that window. Each morning and each night she cuddled into its curved special place where she tried to peer through the clear breaks. It was becoming hard to see His face on the other side but she held on tight to those small little spaces of clear glass in between her carefully placed patchwork. As things got worse she began adding plywood into spaces where she could no longer hold them together with tape. She was managing though! She was holding it together so she still had that special place she could visit and still see His face. Then, suddenly she saw a fist burst, bloody and damaged through the spaces of glass. He began tearing at the pieces taped on one another. With each rip, she shouted and screamed as though each tear broke open her own skin. She had worked so hard to hold it all together! But He just kept going, ripping and tearing as she screamed out. Eventually, every last piece was pulled from that special space. She sat with her head buried in her knees, afraid to look up.  

As she sobbed a gentle touch graced her shoulder. Looking up through her tears she saw the face she had worked so hard to see through that broken glass all that time. He was right there.  Gently He whispered in her ear, “My sweet girl, we are knocking that window out, we are painting the glass together and we will spend a wonderful amount of time talking and learning together as we build a beautiful stained glass window for your special space!”  She sat stunned, somewhere between excited and confused she asked “But I won’t be able to see you through a window like that, I did all that work to hold it all up so I wouldn’t lose you!” And He answered her, “I just wanted you to invite me inside, I was always waiting for you to ask me to come inside and get to know you…”  As he smiled kindly while she sat speechlessly He went on, “I was waiting to be able to reach you when the glass got weak enough I could finally break in and meet you where you were at. I love that window, too. I have loved watching you through it. I would love even more to sit beside you morning and night and enjoy the window from this side with you. Would that be alright? I will teach you how to create it and I will laugh with you as we recreate all that messy glass. It will be beautiful if you want it. We can make it so much more beautiful than it ever was! So much more creative and full of life and even with all that color, you will still see Me so much closer. I will sit in quality time with you while we enjoy this space together. Is that alright? Can I join you?”

After that day she never went back to the roller coaster looking for a thrill. She didn’t run home to huddle in her window and hide looking for the peacefulness of His face. She didn’t need to fear the falling of her only safe space. From that day on she sat morning and night with Him and looked through the colors and dancing light of the window that was slowly coming into form. She ran confidently home each day knowing she was missing nothing. From that day forward each day made a little more sense. Each moment was filled with color, light, and dancing elements around her space. It smelled like Him and she sat peacefully in his companionship. She was finally safe, finally settled.