I had walked this road many times as I stumbled through my journey. Each time around I would notice others choosing to make a very difficult and if I am honest, what looked quite an unpleasant climb up the mountainside. Throughout the past season, I had seen a young woman relatively consistently at the base of the trailhead. We exchanged kindnesses and went on our way each time but my curiosity was beginning to draw me to be more attentive to her presence.

A woman of great strength she seemed more than capable in her strange desire to continue climbing this absurd-looking trail. I was intrigued however, she was graceful, beautiful, and stood with a kind and gentle demeanor about her. Still, a sense of power and strength accompanied her. Her name was Daughter. With her, this time, was an older woman. They looked at each other with great love and devotion. Daughter gently took the older woman and placed her over her back and began to walk up the hill. The older woman tried to get down and walk on her own but Daughter begged that she be allowed to help her and ensure she made it up the mountain.

Later, I found Daughter at the base of the mountain again. This time with a few small children. With these, she had a look of joy and adoration in her eyes. She seemed to shelter them as a mother protects her children. These she carried on her hips up the mountain, though they seemed to desire to wiggle and run. Instead, she kept their bounding energy at bay but cradling them strongly in her arms and continued climbing. 

It became clear to me this was something Daughter had been practiced in for some time. She was confident in her way and seemed seasoned in carrying others up with her. I wondered how many people she had carried up this way, and why?

Yet again I met Daughter at the base of the hill. This time with a man. He was strong and able-bodied. A handsome man, I believed at one point, but now he appeared very drawn and tired. He was sorrowful and looked as though he had lost any preservation or resolve he may have once had.  It was unclear why he seemed so forlorn but Daughter gazed down at him in total enchantment as though he were the brightest star in the sky.  She soon picked his body up and put it over her shoulder. He was heavy, and this time she began to struggle a little. When she stumbled and fell she gathered them both back up and quickly regained the trek again before disappearing around the side of the mountain with an intense determination.  This time I wondered if she would make it up the trail. She looked fatigued and seemed to struggle to direct her steps properly.

It was a long time before I saw Daughter again. After some months I walked past the base of the trail and saw her standing with another man. This time the older woman, the children, and a few others were present as well each with whom appeared to be their other comrades. All of them seemed so joyous and a sense of life and wellbeing drifted in the air. Each picked up a walking stick and began to climb the trail, looking back and forward calling out to one another as they climbed together. When the children ran too far ahead Daughter or one of the others would call out a road marker or guideposts for them. They made such quick time together, stopping to help each other along but each striding at a steady pace their own. It seemed mere moments before they had crested the side of the mountain and beyond my sight. I wondered how long it would be before I would see Daughter again so that I might ask her what had happened upon that mountain top during her absence?

Sometime later I saw Daughter walking down the trail with a smile and some company alongside her. Others stood at the base waiting for her to greet them with her gentle smile so they may walk the trail alongside her.  When Daughter reached the bottom I gestured with a small wave of my hand beckoning her to come closer. With a warm smile, she came toward me and I poised my curiosities to her. She blushed a little as I came to the end of my question and looking down toward her feet she stirred the dirt with the toe of her shoe. “I was so lost, my friend. I had somehow become so confused I couldn’t bear to try and explain the way to others without the guideposts and signs. Instead, to ensure the safety of the people I loved, I shouldered them up the hill each time.”  This seemed somewhat sensible to me, albeit far more exhausting than it was worth, in my opinion. 

Daughter went on, “This walk is one being asked for us to discover ourselves, our abilities, our gifts and to trust in our divine purpose.”  Her face saddened and looked far off as she continued, “When we reached the top, each time, I was asked to surrender my dearest and lay them down on an altar as a sacrifice. Each time, with each one of them I simply could not. I couldn’t understand how I could allow the one I loved so dearly to be punished. I couldn’t imagine living without them. It seemed as much a punishment to me to trust their wellbeing on an altar as it was for them. So each time a laid them down at the base, very carefully, and I climbed up myself. Each time I was met with silence as I would yell “Take me! Please! Let me be enough!” Each time I had to walk back down the hill and repeat the process with another loved one.”  

Now her voice began to quiver slightly and I could see a glass-like glaze begin to come over her eyes.  Daughter seemed vulnerable at this moment, in a way I had never noticed before. As she continued I felt a sense of connection to her. “Finally I carried the final one up the hill and on this one I struggled. I was weak from so many trips and such weight. When we finally reached the top I could again, not set him upon the altar. This time I climbed up and laid myself down. I began sobbing and felt a knife laid on the cold stone next to me. I lifted the knife and as I began to press it into my chest my vision started to clear. The dust from the trail began to wash from my eyes and I saw Him standing beside me. I had never noticed Him there before.  He was weeping and His arms were outstretched in my direction. I knew I had moments left to live but felt a sense of shame as I looked on His face. I was weak and tired.” 

By now Daughter had tears streaming down her face. Although the hurt was visible in her, there was also a strange sense of joy beginning to shine through. She pulled the side of her shirt down to reveal a scar where the blade had presumably punctured.  “He said to me, ‘Oh my sweet girl, I have asked you time and time again to place them up here so that I may bless them. Each time you jump on assuming they could not handle it. Assuming I don’t love them the way you do. But sweet, sweet girl….I already made the sacrifice for them. I was never asking that of them or of you! How many times will you make me stand here watching you martyr yourself?  Was my life not enough? Is your life worth more than mine? Must we continue reliving this hurt over and over again? I have saved you, and I will save your life again.’ and then He leaned over, cradling me in his arms he lifted me and breathed life back into my lungs. A painful healing began to overcome my wound, almost more painful than the original piercing itself. But then He kissed my forehead and set me on my own two feet. 

Each of my loved ones climbed onto the alter on their own, and He spoke privately with each before they climbed down renewed with trust and strength. Finally, he turned to me and said ‘Go my sweet, sweet Daughter, set guideposts for yourself, consider well the way by which you have come so that you can return. Show others your trust and the guidance I have given you. Remember the way I adore you. Remember that I am always with you, I share with you each pain and each experience because I am always walking it with you. Please, I hope you can find joy in this life so that my martyrdom the once is enough to bring healing for all.”

As Daughter stopped every face was filled with wonder and awe. All eyes were touched by tears as we looked upon the miracle it was to see her walking with us. Quickly I gathered my things, suddenly I realized I had been wandering around and around that mountain passing her doing, in her own way, the very same thing.  This time I would join her up the mountain, laughing and stumbling my way to the top. As I approached the trailhead I saw a sign sending us in the right direction and it said: “Surrender.”

“Set up road markers for yourself; make yourself guideposts; consider well the highway, the road by which you went.” - Jeremiah 31:21